WordPress has this great addictive feature for blog owners, ‘Blog Stats’*, so you can find people were looking for when they accidentally found your blog through google. Obviously it doesn’t say whether they read it, or if they just clicked on back.

Some one recently was googling for ‘how to pass without testosterone’ I thought I’d be public spirited and give them some tips – mainly because I’m sick of death of disorders of the adrenal gland.

So assuming you’re starting out as a butch lesbian:

• Take a deep breath and do it. Don’t worry too much if you can’t pass perfectly at first, feel the fear and do it anyway. English people are too polite to say anything anyway.
• Clothes. All your clothes are probably men’s clothes anyway, you’re a butch lesbian aren’t you? Men’s waists are lower down than women’s so get some larger trousers and wear them on your hips. If your job is one where men where shirts and ties, and women don’t, then this is great – a chance to show that you’re dressing as a man and not a butch lesbian.
• Also consider wearing a jacket: they hide hips. Assuming that you work in a place where men wear suits. Don’t wear a suit if your job involves: blood, vomit, diarrhea, asicitic fluid, childbirth or urine.. Cleaning is expensive.
• Hide your breasts. You’re going to have to do something about those lumps of flesh growing from your chest wall. Once you’ve stroked them a bit and realised that they aren’t as interesting as, well women’s breasts, most men find the novelty of owning breasts wears off.
  I used parcel tape to reduce them a bit, I don’t recommend this it hurts when you take it off. Apparently bondage tape is good because it sticks to the tape and not to the flesh, you can also get things called ‘binders’ which compress the breasts: I think you can make them out of lots of elastic. If you can’t breathe you’ve bound too tightly.
• Before you throw any bras away make sure you can undo them with one hand. Put them around a chair and practice. Up until now you’ve probably only got to sleep with lesbians, but straight women are actually impressed by this. Or at least my girlfriend was.
• A note on the bathroom issue: If you use the gents no one will give a damn. Go in, go into cubicle, wee, leave. Talk to no one, men never talk to anyone in gents toilets. Or at least I think they don’t.
• Try not to get murdered. This is a Bad Thing. Use your common sense, there are parts of town wear being gender ambiguous is not a good idea. Avoid these if you can, these are also the parts of town where being visibly gay is not a good thing either.
• Sit with your legs apart; if you actually had balls you wouldn’t want to squash them would you?
• Men don’t go to feminist poetry readings or Wimmins music festivals;
• And finally Drawing facial hair on with makeup will just look bad.

Go out. Do it. Don’t give a damn what people think about you. So what if they think you’re a transsexual, it’s most likely they think you’re a butch lesbian anyway.

*Oh come on, all of you are actually wordpress blog owners aren’t you? It’s not like ‘other people’ read this.