Reasons it’s crap being a woman.

The other day one of my school friends contacted me on Facebook and asked why I choose to change sex. I think I muttered the usual cliche about being ‘trapped in the wrong body’ or something. But as far as I can see the real question is ‘Why on earth are you still a woman?’

Because life as a woman was seriously weird. 

Things that were rubbish about being a woman.

1. Make up.  I tend to cultivate stubble when I’m not at work, but it gets hopelessly itchy after a week. Anyway if you think shaving is bad, try having to slather some weird powdery stuff over your face every day. And get this  – it’s for no apparent purpose.
2. Periods. Urgh. Why ?
3. Dying in childbirth. Sorry but any species where 1 in 5 females die in childbirth unless they have medical (or veterinary) help is really seriously badly designed. More evidence that either there is no god or he is a misogynist.
4. High heels. Again, why? What on earth is the fucking point?
5. Breasts. Honestly you can’t really wank over your own breasts. Blokes think you can, and often some even think it would be good to have some. But seriously the sheer freakishness of them growing out of your chest  is just weird.
6. The lack of women willing to have sex with you. 9 out of 10 women are just not willing to have sex with other women, which is really really depressing. When you meet an attractive woman you just don’t bother asking them out because the chances are they aren’t a lesbian.
7. The feeling that if you have causal sex with strangers you are some sort of bad person. If you are a man that has casual sex with strangers (which lets face it is a perfectly good hobby when you aren’t in a monogamous relationship) you are thought of as ‘lucky’ or ‘a stud’. But if you are a woman you are a ‘slut’. This means if you are a woman you have to get into a relationship just to have a shag.
8. Black tie events. Ok for men these are easy, just can wear the same outfit you wear for every event. But the bizarre rule for women is that you can’t wear the same outfit twice! How screwed up is that. Oh and when your friends get married you must go out and buy a new outfit. And people look shocked if you tell them it was from Primark. (You probably don’t need to tell them – Mrs Z) but why would you actually spend lots of money on clothes you’re only going to wear once? (One word: Accessories.  You never noticed?  See.  It works – Mrs Z)
9. Hormones. Men have testosterone, this makes you want to have sex. Simple. Women have a variety of hormones that make you totally irrational at random times. I remember one day seriously wanting to end my life because it all seemed so hopeless. And the next day I had a period (which is repulsive) but then I realised that I hadn’t wanted to kill myself at all – it was all just hormones. There is something seriously weird about having hormones that out of control.
10. Netball. Who on earth invented a sport where you can’t move with the ball or touch another player? It’s frankly the most boring sport ever. No one watches professional netball games. There’s a reason for that.
11. Being rubbish at sport – because no one will let you play a proper sport once you turn 10 so you get worse than everyone else and instead expect you to like netball.
12. The entirely weird relationship with your weight. If you are a fat man then it’s a bit annoying because you are likely to die of heart disease. If you are a fat woman you feel that you are worthless as a human being.
13. The way that society makes you feel like you are going to be killed if you go out after dark on your own. It’s so nice to be able to go for a run though a deserted dockyard when I finish work at 10pm without people making me feel like I’m committing suicide.
14. The entirely fucked up nature of societies attitude to child-rearing. Lets face it once you have had a baby you have suffered nine months of hell carrying it to term and then suffered the nightmare that is childbirth. You’d think that the logical approach to this creature that had done this to your body would be to give it to the father and tell him to get on with it.  But no, unless you give up your entire life to raising this creature that has already ruined your body and nearly killed you, you are a BAD PERSON.
15. You get paid less than a man for doing the same work. Oh and women do more unpaid work in the home.
16. Men keep trying to have sex with you. Less often if you are obviously a stroppy teenage dyke. Then they tend to go away.

So the real question is – why does anyone put up with being a woman? In this day and age if you are cursed with two X chromosomes you don’t actually have to go through the horror that is being a woman. I mean I’m glad you do – because I much prefer sex with women. But seriously: Why do you girls put up with this crap?

I’m back, Honestly, no Really.

And I’m still not dead. But it’s going ok. I’m enjoying it and feeling that I’ve made the right career decision. But I’m just that much less anonymous than I was as an SHO. There are hundreds of SHOs in the country so I can easily blog in the background. I could be anyone of them. Hell there could even be another transsexual Medical SHO.

So if for instance I say ‘Yesterday my Consultant was angry’ my consultant is much more likely to put two and two together that maybe his Registrar is a transsexual.

At the moment I love being a Medical Registrar, I’ve got a bit addicted to the adrenaline rush of looking after the very sick, and I can effectively manage a good shift. I’m a bit more unsure about the specalist stuff, I’m ok at the TIA clinic, but the Falls clinic can overwhelm me a bit. My consultant says that I should get out  of my comfort zone, and at the moment my comfort zone involves admitting people to ITU, getting a central line in and starting some inotropes.

Sometimes I wonder if I should continue blogging, I’m hardly a Dr Crippen, syndicated in the Guardian now isn’t he? But this is something valuable. This is a record of my life since I was a House Officer, and now I’m a Registrar. Yesterday my House Officer said that he wondered how he could ever know enough to be a Med Reg. But it’s only been a few years, and it’s possible. And it’s nice looking back at how far I’ve come.