Reasons it’s crap being a woman.
October 19, 2009 16 Comments
The other day one of my school friends contacted me on Facebook and asked why I choose to change sex. I think I muttered the usual cliche about being ‘trapped in the wrong body’ or something. But as far as I can see the real question is ‘Why on earth are you still a woman?’
Because life as a woman was seriously weird.
Things that were rubbish about being a woman.
- Make up. I tend to cultivate stubble when I’m not at work, but it gets hopelessly itchy after a week. Anyway if you think shaving is bad, try having to slather some weird powdery stuff over your face every day. And get this – it’s for no apparent purpose.
- Periods. Urgh. Why ?
- Dying in childbirth. Sorry but any species where 1 in 5 females die in childbirth unless they have medical (or veterinary) help is really seriously badly designed. More evidence that either there is no god or he is a misogynist.
- High heels. Again, why? What on earth is the fucking point?
- Breasts. Honestly you can’t really wank over your own breasts. Blokes think you can, and often some even think it would be good to have some. But seriously the sheer freakishness of them growing out of your chest is just weird.
- The lack of women willing to have sex with you. 9 out of 10 women are just not willing to have sex with other women, which is really really depressing. When you meet an attractive woman you just don’t bother asking them out because the chances are they aren’t a lesbian.
- The feeling that if you have causal sex with strangers you are some sort of bad person. If you are a man that has casual sex with strangers (which lets face it is a perfectly good hobby when you aren’t in a monogamous relationship) you are thought of as ‘lucky’ or ‘a stud’. But if you are a woman you are a ‘slut’. This means if you are a woman you have to get into a relationship just to have a shag.
- Black tie events. Ok for men these are easy, just can wear the same outfit you wear for every event. But the bizarre rule for women is that you can’t wear the same outfit twice! How screwed up is that. Oh and when your friends get married you must go out and buy a new outfit. And people look shocked if you tell them it was from Primark. (You probably don’t need to tell them – Mrs Z) but why would you actually spend lots of money on clothes you’re only going to wear once? (One word: Accessories. You never noticed? See. It works – Mrs Z)
- Hormones. Men have testosterone, this makes you want to have sex. Simple. Women have a variety of hormones that make you totally irrational at random times. I remember one day seriously wanting to end my life because it all seemed so hopeless. And the next day I had a period (which is repulsive) but then I realised that I hadn’t wanted to kill myself at all – it was all just hormones. There is something seriously weird about having hormones that out of control.
- Netball. Who on earth invented a sport where you can’t move with the ball or touch another player? It’s frankly the most boring sport ever. No one watches professional netball games. There’s a reason for that.
- Being rubbish at sport – because no one will let you play a proper sport once you turn 10 so you get worse than everyone else and instead expect you to like netball.
- The entirely weird relationship with your weight. If you are a fat man then it’s a bit annoying because you are likely to die of heart disease. If you are a fat woman you feel that you are worthless as a human being.
- The way that society makes you feel like you are going to be killed if you go out after dark on your own. It’s so nice to be able to go for a run though a deserted dockyard when I finish work at 10pm without people making me feel like I’m committing suicide.
- The entirely fucked up nature of societies attitude to child-rearing. Lets face it once you have had a baby you have suffered nine months of hell carrying it to term and then suffered the nightmare that is childbirth. You’d think that the logical approach to this creature that had done this to your body would be to give it to the father and tell him to get on with it. But no, unless you give up your entire life to raising this creature that has already ruined your body and nearly killed you, you are a BAD PERSON.
- You get paid less than a man for doing the same work. Oh and women do more unpaid work in the home.
- Men keep trying to have sex with you. Less often if you are obviously a stroppy teenage dyke. Then they tend to go away.
So the real question is – why does anyone put up with being a woman? In this day and age if you are cursed with two X chromosomes you don’t actually have to go through the horror that is being a woman. I mean I’m glad you do – because I much prefer sex with women. But seriously: Why do you girls put up with this crap?
About Z
Hmm, are you a feminist or a misogynist? I’m finding it rather hard to tell….
<3
A/B
Hey, you think your questions are awkward – imagine someone who knows all those reasons and still feels she needs to go through all the shit of being trans to be a woman. Honestly I just don’t even try to explain.
I get it. I’ve been through childbirth and thirty years ago I would have been critical, and so would the baby. People don’t get why I’m angry, especially when they insist I ought to pop out another. People and society have to change, not me, and that’s what I have to work on all the time.
Tiresome, but worth the effort.
I would still change places with a woman, some of these are the reasons for wanting to be one also, child birth, the feeling of a living baby growing in you, feeding it nourishment from those you call “freakishness” breasts, the clothes, ya you get to pick out different dresses and shoes for the black tie events, Ill take them if you dont want them, I love womens clothes, wish I was one for many of your reasons why not
Sometimes I think you read my mind!
At parties men feel they can say ‘I suppose you know lots of men would find you intimidating’ and you’re not supposed to thump them or say ‘only thick ones’
If a man does housework people say ‘isn’t he a marvel and really we should consider him a living saint’. However if a woman goes out to work and earns enough too support a large house 2 cars and private school she’s neglecting her family.
If a woman works people keep suggesting that she should stay home and keep house. If her husband then loses his job everybody says omg what are you going to do? The woman isn’t supposed to say actually I’m not sure I want him to work I quite like having the house looked after and my tea on the table.
However there are advantages, when I have my PA make a cake for my sons birthday it’s not sexist. Men wanting to sleep with you can me an advantage (esp. if you’re straight) but it does also give rise to feats of chivalry. I’m particularly grateful to the pizza delivery man who drove me round London one night looking for a hotel.
The make up, high heels etc can be fun if not used everyday and you don’t have to play netball when there is synchronised swimming on offer!
A slight aside at the commonwealth games they actually have solo synchronised swimming….
If all of us were men. What then?
>> If all of us were men. What then?
“In a world without women, what would men become?”
“Scarce, ma’am. Mighty scarce.”
– Mark Twain
You sort of sound misogynist. Just because you don’t identify as female doesn’t mean you can insult their existence. Most genetic females are perfectly happy living as women. They may dislike a great deal of sexism but they are content with their femininity. The reason why it was horrible to you was because you are not a woman. You simply have the body of one. Your interpretation of living as female is completely different from the majority of genetic women.
That was kinda my point.
The other point was that it’s as hard to me to understand why anyone would want to stay a woman as it is for anyone who is happy with their gender to see why they’d want to change.
Trying to explain what being a transman is like … It’s like trying to explain colour to the blind, even to transwomen, to a certain extent.
I have lived through a transgender change with a male friend (who wanted to become a woman) who is now very happy in her new guise. Much of what you rant against is the oppression of women by those men who are uncomfortable with women who are more clever or more attractive than average. It is the human condition to mock or dominate anything makes you feel inadequate instead of rejoicing in evidence that there are better humans out there.
Breasts are surely just a food source for younglings – nothing weird there -and no reason why these should be exclusively female except that system has worked so it has stayed (in our species).
Relax – be happy that you are now where your mind and your body match and both now match your hormones.But don’t slag off the other sex – you weren’t happy there but that was you -then.
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all of these reasons and then some. yes we are miserable living these lives because we are men. we were not meant to be born into female bodies but by some cruel twist of nature that is apparently normal in all of its’ wondrous variables we are trans men. not cis men like we should have been. i agree with everyone here, even those challenging you about your feelings as i struggle with the same.
i can only go by the fact that i am not really a woman, otherwise these things would not be as important and soul-killing to me as they are now and as they were for you pre-everything. i am trans, and a man, but not in active transition. i know these feelings now. i am not trying to defend myself or you or even say the others challenging us are right. all our viewpoints are valid, however “trapped” is a bloody mild word when others haven’t walked a mile in these shoes. i know you have and so i agree with everything you say.
i am shocked that anyone would believe us to be misogynist as well. i abhor both misogyny and misandry equally. when i agree with what you are saying here in your blog it is not with a spirit of malice or anger towards women who love being women. i just have the same sadness about my natal gender that a MTF transsexual feels about hers. that is about the only thing those girls seem to understand about us. yes, i’m sad i was born female but there is nothing about OTHER females that i don’t love. i love women in an intimate and respectful sense, but i lack the desire or the joy in physically being one and i feel it in my bones that i should have been born male instead. is there no better reason than that for what i am?
I am a cis woman and I’m comfortable in my body. My periods don’t bother me (I’m lucky there, a lot of people aren’t), and I like my breasts. I see no reason to wear high heels or makeup, so I don’t. If I have hormonal moodswings, I ride with them, because they’re not that severe for me. I’m not dysphoric and I don’t want or need to be a man, so I have no reason to transition. Simple as that.
I’m very glad you found your way to manhood, because obviously having to live as a woman was absolute hell for you, and I’m sorry. But my experiences aren’t yours. I suspect that if I had been assigned male at birth, I’d have been just as miserable myself.
Dude, you forgot menopause and its inherent delights. And, sub-filed under breasts, bras; itchy, tight, expensive nasty things. Oh, and girl underwear in general with the lace. Personally I think all girl parts are totally gross, but that’s just me.
I totally agree with you. It’s not like I hate women or anything. It’s just I don’t enjoy being a woman. I know a lot of women enjoy shopping, make-ups etc, but I just don’t! I don’t get the logic behind just like women won’t understand men the same way either.