Dreams
October 14, 2010 7 Comments
Someone told me today that 29 was too young to give up on your dreams. The particular dream she was referring to was writing a novel. But that has never been a big dream. The real childhood dream was an odd one. It was to be a Consultant, or a GP, doing a worthwhile job. I wanted to be able to have a nice life, have a large house in the suburbs or country, to drive a 4×4 and have 4 children in private schools. I would have a wife who didn’t work and an Aga, she would bake cakes and throw dinner parties. I am currently coming to terms with the fact that this dream won’t come true. They job probably will, but the rest of it won’t. I’ve never had to come to terms with the fact that a dream won’t come true before. All my dreams have come true, but not through luck, They’ve come true because I’ve worked fucking hard to make them come true.
There is no point doing something just because it was your childhood dream. There is certainly no point ruining your marriage because your life doesn’t quiet match your childhood dream.
The bizarre thing is that I have no idea where this dream came from. I was raised by hippies on a council estate. There was no one there who lived that sort of life. I suppose I must have seen it in colour supplements or on TV. Maybe it was in a Joanna Trollope novel. But it was a dream. And a dream I’m trying to let go of.
But at the moment holding onto a dream is likely to ruin my marriage, so actually a dream isn’t making my life better at all. It’s making it considerably worse. I need to give up on the dream to get my life better.
About Z
I wanted to be Prime Minister and have an apartment. I was going to be single and have a string of devoted lovers…..And I wanted to do a PhD…
Had to give up on these dreams, as I wasn’t really up for party politics and benevolent dictatorship posts are hard to come by.
A string of devoted lovers seems a bit high maintenance….
I wanted to be an astronaut and a ballerina… I think I was confused…
I have to say, I can’t quite imagine your lovely wife being, well, a Stepford Wife. But what you do have is a lovely, beautiful, intelligent, caring, spirited woman who loves you for you, just as you are. And you have a good job. In fact, the only things missing are the 4×4 (you could always buy one, if you really wanted) and the 4 kids. 2 out of 3 (not counting the 4×4) isn’t bad. And I know it doesn’t stop the aching yearning for children. But as we all know, life doesn’t always turn out the way we plan it. Apart from anything, I don’t think I’d quite cut it as a ballerina…
I do at least know how to cook on an Aga…
Cooking on the Aga is fine.
)
If it’s a solid fuel one, can you light it, clean it and keep it going (and in the middle of summer without boiling yourself
The 4×4 was a nightmare, not a dream. Slap yourself!
I’m with hgjules on the 4×4 front!
Surely your lovely wife would love to give up her job?! I think she’d throw great dinner parties! And if she’s doing it for the love of it, then it’s not really a job; it’s a hobby she gets paid for, and that ain’t too shabby!
You are spot on. This brief post has helped me. Thankyou.