So why do I blog?
Now we all know that you can’t do anything without a mission statement. So I can’t possibly have a blog without one.
Why do I have a blog?
Obviously this is because I am a self obsessed narcissist who believes that the world is desperate for every pearl of wisdom I impart on their ears.
This is a blog about being a Doctor more than it is about being a transsexual. It’s about being a newly qualified Doctor working in a ordinary sort of hospital in the UK. It’s about my dreams and idealism facing reality and going to hide behind a rock and cower. It’s about my attempts to pass the MRCP, about worries about the future.
I’m aware that the transsexuals you see on TV or read about in magazines are a very small minority. They’re the ones who don’t mind everyone knowing about their status, they tend to be early in the process of changing and very obviously transsexual, and they tend to be in the sort of job where it doesn’t matter if everyone knows. Or perhaps they can’t get a job because they’re a transsexual – no actually they can’t get a job because they’ve told everyone they were transsexual in the Daily Mail.
Well I’m nothing like that – most people who meet me seem to be genuinely surprising when they find out. Admittedly I have enough feminine mannerisms for people to assume I’m gay. There’s often a surprised expression when I causally mention T’Girlfriend in the conversation.
So that’s the reason I decided to start a blog – because us normal transsexuals don’t get much exposure in the media, and I wanted to have a discussion about a normal person with a normal-ish job.
This is also a blog about my attempts to get the MRCP and a review of the various books and websites out there and there helpfulness or otherwise. That tends to preoccupy me more than being a transsexual.
hi
I was doing a search for pregnancy after hormonal therapy for FTM’s. The search narrowed to FTM and pregnancy. Your blog appeared. I am writing to do that ever so annoying thing that I am sure you are getting quite sick of, which is… People asking you for medical advise. I know I know. I promise not to send any pictures of growths or rashes, to force a diagnosis out of you. Instead allow me to introduce my self for a moment. My name is Evette, I am from Texas and my boyfriend is trans. He and I have been talking for some time about having babies some day in the near’ish future, and I am just trying to do a little research into what’s out there as far as published information about FTM’s going off hormones to regain menstruation, as a means to become fertile and eventually pregnant.
My boyfriend, he has been on T for over five years now, and I start to get worried about sterility issues we could be facing in a couple of years.
Do you yourself know or know where I might find out about any studies or records pointing to when risks of sterility are at there highest.
I enjoyed reading a few of your blog entries, I especially appreciate your mission statement. Yee Haa my hats off to you for stating the little recognized truth.
Anyways I am rambling thanks again for your time and I appreciate the work you are accomplishing both with your dedication to medicine and your willing self-exposure into the life of another FTM.
Take care and merry Christmas.
Evette
Okidokie – well I’m not an endocrinologist- so I’m not that sure.
There isn’t that much in the medical literature- in fact anything I can find, I guess most FtMs don’t consent to being written up.
In short we just don’t know when fertility is lost – it may be lost after cases. There are case reports on the internet but that’s just stuff on the internet.
Giving birth to a child and maintaining male identity are something that’s pretty difficult and challenging to society. I couldn’t do it at all.
This is what I was trying to find out. Friend, FTM, on hormones managed to get pregnant by her drag queen bf. What risks are there for the baby?
Hi Carole.
There’s not been many pregnancies on T, so it’s hard to tell. Testosterone may cause a miscarriage, or a female fetus may end up masculinised, or their may be some other growth deformities.
Oh, and even if pregnant, it’s still ‘he’. Yes I know.
Incidentally: http://aggy.wordpress.com/
Aphra.
Hell I can understand. Thats wht I hope I’ll b able to do too.. Slip into a normal life, with no one hounding me.. and appear in the media only if I become a billionaire or invented alift to go into the moon!!
I hope it does work for you! It’s certainly not unheard of, I don’t think the media are interested unless you want to tell them about it.
I just wanted to say thanks for being out – it can’t be easy, and I can definitely understand not wanting to be public about being trans, but it *does* help to know that there are normal people living normal lives. Lynn Conway’s success stories help, but she has such frightening notions about what you need to transition (facial feminisation surgery, good god) it’s a bit daunting.
Mm! That is daubting to begin with.
The thing is I’m not really out. I mean some people I work with remember me from medsdchool, but I reckon come my next move in August – if it’s to another area I’ll be totally stealth. So this blog – with no photos is my only way of being out.
The only people who are willing to go into the media are those who have nothing to loose, and all too often that’s the ones who are really obviously trans. Or those who have just transisioned.
Hi Z,
I’m an ftm guy in Australia who is also a doctor. If you’re interested in chatting, email me back.
Hi Z.
I am a gf of an FTM. We try our best to live a a normal life. I am a teacher, he works in a corporate office. We do our best and new people we meet we have no problem. Its the friends and family who although supportive slip up with with the pronoun or say things like you always be ***** (insert previous name here…I usually say Voldemort) to me. I always say, really? you can slip up and say she to a guy with a full beard? Anyway, my question to you is because you are in another country and in the medical field. He has had top surgery a year ago and has been on T. However not bottom surgery becuase well frankly, we are not rich and he could not afford the downtime off of work for healing even if we did save the money. The prosthetics we have found are HORRIBLE! He has made his own for urination and packing purposes so that urinals are no longer a problem at all. Not to give too much TMI but sexually we are fine, he can TOTALLY work with what we use for that. But is there ANYTHING out there that works well for pack and play. It can kill the mood when you have to go to restroom to ‘swtich”. I want him to feel as complete as possible and this is our biggest obstacle? Just wondering if you have any advice. I keep telling him we need to invent one, and become millionaires! =)
Hi N,
Thanks for finding my blog, and thanks for commenting. I have to say I don’t pack or use prostesis in bed, so I can’t really advise from a personal point of view. I know that the FtM Uk Yahoo group is a great source of advice on this sort of matter, and I’d advise joining them and asking their. Though you do have to be FtM to join. There must be an FtM partners group as well.
I’m sorry I can’ t be more help.
Cheers for getting in touch. I will do! Though I’m not traumatised it’s good to know I’m not the only one.
Greetings Doc!
Good go on the blog. such a relief to find something about transfolks that doesnt include sex. Not that I am against sex, mind you!!!
me: transman in Southwest USA. live in a rural area and am having a dang hard time finding some body to “talk” with that doesnt flinch (with judgment OR curiosity!!) at the word ‘transexual’. Not that i flaunt it, I pass greatly, and the few friends I have come out to have been totally surprised.
Within the last month my father passed, and my wife and I separated (for the umteenth time). hungry for some connection with folks who think wiht ALL of themselves, not just the genitals.
Keep up the good work and all. Some young bloke’ll be lucky for sure when he gets you for his medical care, and anyone else for that matter.
take care of your self!!!!
Hi.
I’m just starting the process of FtM.
I was curious though, I’m a young girl and just wanted to know if there is a age limit for Testosterone?
Please get back to me, thanks.
Well I’m no expert in the treatment of transsexualism – but however the minimum age here is 18 I think. However some people go abroad to get drugs that block puberty earlier on.
Hello Dr. Z can you please tell me how i can remove an entry for privacy purposes.
I would really appreciate it.
thanks
Hi;
Nice to “e-meet” you. I found your blog by clicking on your comments on someone else’s blog. I don’t remember who’s now: maybe Gender Outlaw or Cheerfull Megalomaniac.
Anyway, I will look at your entries soon but for now I have to admit I’m puzzled about your use of the phrase “normal transsexuals”. Sorry, but I don’t think there is such a thing as normal anything. We’re all different. And I don’t see a problem with telling everyone that one is trans. I’m very open about it myself but I respect people who want to go stealth, for whatever reason. I don’t think I’m any “less” normal because I’m “obviously” transsexual and, presumably, a part of the “minority” that you mention above.
Please let me know if I’ve misunderstood you.
Cheers;
Jacky
hi- i was wondering if there was an email address I could send some info about having you be a featured blogger at peoplejam.com?
Thx!
angelo
I have read your story and found it a relief. Thank you for sharing your story, as a young transgender-it helped me feel somehow not as alone. I’d love to ask questions if you ever have spare time.
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.
I’ve been searching for the answer to this question for a very long time now. I understand you’re not an endocrinologist or anything, but maybe you know of something that can help.
I’m looking for something that’s NOT testosterone, but can give me the SAME muscle building effects as testosterone. So many people have suggested body building supplements, T boosters, E blockers, etc. and I’ve tried MANY things, but nothing seems to be helping. I have good diet and exercise habits and work out often, but it always came down to the same thing: Female bodies don’t gain and maintain muscle the same way male bodies do.
I’m not ready for the extra effects T will give me (facial hair, voice deepening, etc.). I never thought it’d be possible to acquire a male physique, until I saw other transguys who have gained so much muscle because of the testosterone. All I want and have ever wanted is the muscle gain. Besides over the counter medicines, do you know any medical medicine that can help?
Hi,
it is strange as our life is so similar…even if I am not a doctor. Reading your transition period and your actual life, it seems that we have some things in common. I had the same adolescence as you, I tried to be a girl, for my parents, for my friends and even for myself, it could be easier in that way but it was impossibe. At 19 I moved to start the college and I could not lie anymore. Now I have been with my partner for 14 years and she does not want children as your wife and my feelings are similar to yours.
I wanted just to share this with you and wish you Merry Christmas.
Take care
Mat
I have been on T for just over six months…and in feb i had sex with a man and he used a condom. Know the last period i had was 2weeks after i started T. However when i slept with him it was right durnig ovolation? Are there anyover the counter test i can take to see if i am?
Thanks
Hi
Firstly any over the counter pregnancy test would work.
Secondly if you aren’t having periods you most probably aren’t ovulating.
Thirdly t will cause either miscarriage or severe malformation. If you want to continue with any pregnancy you must stop taking it now.
Sent from my iPhone
Hi there. I really enjoyed finding your blog. I came across it while I’ve been searching for some more info about the relative pros and cons of different testosterone formulations so I’ve still got to find out more (any pointers would be very much appreciated). I am another therapeutic professional and currently work in youth justice where I am transitioning in a very out way – from necessity as I love my job and have fab support from colleagues, managers and the young people I work with. Am pre-T but immenently about to start hormones. Many best wishes, Sam
Hi Sam – Thanks for reading my blog. I’ve been thinking of posting on the relevant merits of testosterone for a good while. So I shall do that soon enough.
Hi Z,
I found your blog by looking up can an ftm get pregnant while on T. I am ftm myself and am basically out to everyone who needs to know only. I have been in complete confusion lately with figuring out where I fit in life. Seeing your blog was a great help to realize that trans people can uphold an everyday life. I am pre-T as of now and have had many problems occur recently. I’ve found that my facial hair is already growing out faster and my voice is starting to deepen. My shoulders are getting broader and all the other effects of taking T. Curious if you’ve heard of that situation before. I’m sure you’re very busy so if you dont answer I understand. Mostly just wanted to say thanks… for being brave enough to set up this site. Best of luck to you.
Hi
Thanks for posting. I hope things work out for you soon.
I suspect what is happening is that you’re becoming more attuned to the natural changes in your body. This may be because you’re paying more attention to them. Or you may have a medical condition that causes naturally high testosterone. Your Dr may check you out for this with blood tests if she’s worried. But lots of xx women come to doctors worried about facial hair growth, some have hormone problems. But many don’t.
Good luck – you’re at the most difficult time. Things do get easier. Let me know if I can be of any more help.
Sent from my iPhone.
hello, i have been wondering for awhile if a female, who had a sex change into a male, to make a child. not have one in them. to get the full change, top and bottom. to get another woman prego. there was a site i saw once that said it was possible for them to make a girl baby, i just wanted to know.and if it is possible, is it like normal sex, where it comes out the penis and goes to the egg?
HI Cierra, it’s completely impossible for an FtM to father a child.
You can only make something that looks like a penis and can get stiff, you can’t make an organ that can do the amazingly complex process of spermatogenesis. Or create ejaculate.
That’s true Z, as it stands now. I have read (am a small-time science geek lol) that stem cell research shows possibilities for FTMs creating their own (X) sperm so there’s some truth within the realms of scientific possibility that what Cierra says about only fathering girl babies may be so. Actually I find the idea of growing my own sperm a concept I would personally embrace. But I realise that others may feel very different and I accept parenthood as a role is not limited to one’s gender anyway. Yes I want to be a dad… but I can sure father a child even if I can’t get my genetic material inside my girlfriend’s eggs!
It’s something that shows promise in animal research! I can’t see it translating into humans in the near future. Or in fact the next 20 years.
Kono et all created Bi Maternal Mice in 2004, which is nearly 6 years ago, and since then they’ve been nothing other than a useful experimental model. I’ve just spent a happy half hour on PubMed looking at studies that have been done on them. There are serious problems with these mice – the placenta etc doesn’t seem to develop properly, and therefore the miscarriage rate was about 490/500 at first, though it’s a little better now.
I can’t see it being anywhere near ethical to do this in humans in the near future.
I’ve seen lots of things that look promising in animal research not translate into useful medical applications, even when there’s a drive to translate them. I just can’t see this happening. Which is why I told Cierra it was completely impossible.
Sam – thanks for finding my blog, and for commenting
I’ve had a read of yours and it’s given me plenty of food for thought!
Here’s a paper on Bi-Maternal Mice – not sure if you can access the full content – but the abstract might be interesting.
http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/25/2/457?view=long&pmid=19952375#DEP400C18
Hey I’m 18 and possibly transgender. I haven’t done any therapy because I’m still unsure
I’m thinking about taking testosterone supplements, you know the kind I can get at a drug store
will that change me only a little? I just want to test the waters, but not doing anything drastic or that will harm my body.
any input would be awesome, thanks!
Hi Mar
I wouldn’t bother with the testosterone supplements, there is no ‘half testosterone’ that would change you just a little. The only thing that would change you just a little would be a very low dose of testosterone, and that may harm your body.
Testosterone works by activating steroid hormone receptors in your body, they will only respond to testosterone. Testosterone is broken down in the stomach to quite harmless substances, so if you are taking a tablet it won’t have any effect on your body, it will never make it any futher than your stomach. If I could take a tablet instead of injecting myself every 3 weeks I would!
So if it’s going to change you it’s testosterone. It’s illegal in the UK to sell testosterone from drug stores. I wouldn’t buy a prescription drug from a drug store, it needs to be given by someone who knows what they’re doing – ie a doctor. If it’s not testosterone it’s not going to change you, and it’s a waste of your money. If it’s a tablet it’s going to be broken down to quite useless substances.
I don’t know about the US – but in the UK pharamcists (drug stores in the US) sell huge amounts of very useless subtances.
I’m an OB/GYN in the US. My partner is a gay FTM. We conceived a set of spontaneous identical twin boys after he was off T for 9 weeks. The boys are developing normally. There is nothing about T which should be harmful to a pregnancy, as long as the guy is not taking hormones during the pregnancy. T stops ovulation and menstruation (thank god!) so a guy would not be able to achieve pregnancy while on T (there is a brief window where it is theoretically possible to conceive on T if you do it immediately after starting T or restarting after a sufficient lapse as to begin ovulating again). For guys just starting T, unprotected sex with another guy should be avoided until 3 shots of regularly timed T. (note, if you are still menstruating, assume you are still ovulating!) For guys on T who wish to get pregnant, you should stop T, await a normal menses, and not resume T until 6 weeks after delivery of your beautiful baby. For straight FTM’s it’s obviously a more involved process as you’ll need a sperm donor (thus a good turkey baster (I don’t recommend this, but Lesbians have proven the efficacy of this method) or a good doctor working with a good sperm bank).
The problem of finding a good doctor is the lack of medical evidence documenting the efficacy and safety of FTM pregnancy. There is nothing to suggest it wouldn’t be safe, but doctors are by nature conservative. They don’t like to take risks when there is no or only little reward (read as MONEY!!!)
Good luck to any/all who wish to achieve pregnancy.
Hey thanks for this (and to Z for the blog). This is a post for both of you. I’m a gay FTM who has been on testosterone for about 3 years and have only had top surgery. I recently started dating a guy. Weirdly enough, we met at a clinic so we were both freshly verified as “clean” so we dove right into unprotected sex with no worries. Today I got a follow up call from the (NHS) clinic. For some reason, the nurse went out of her way to tell me that I should still be using protection to prevent pregnancy. Clearly this weirded me out, which is how I ended up here – and now have been reading your blog for hours. It’s great, hope you can keep it going.
So, here’s my two questions:
I’ve been trying to find any medical instances where FtM’s – or I suppose, women who have gone through some types of medically induced menopause – have unexpectedly conceived. I haven’t found any, but thought maybe you had come across some if they exist.
The second is more of a UK medical culture question – where the is the NHS getting their information from? (Unless I’m totally ignorant and there are several examples to the last question). I understand it is in the best interest of the surgery to err on the side of safety, but it seemed really strange – I actually laughed at the nurse when she said gave me that warning because scientifically it seems pretty impossible (as long as I am still taking T). I also had to explain to my GP (at a different surgery) that testosterone is in fact covered by NHS, which he insisted was impossible. Is there some kind of standard of care that the NHS adhere’s to about trans people? I realize cases like ours are very few and far between and that no one actually memorises everything from med school, but is there something I could say to help direct them like “Actually if you reread page 152 of your NHS Standards of Care manual it will give you everything you need to know about how you need to deal with me as a transperson”?
Thanks again, and keep writing!
Thanks for finding my blog and posting. I really don’t know the answer to a lot of these questions, so it’s great to have someone that does know the answer.
Hello,
My name is Emma and my fiancée is FTM. We are currently waiting until he has the clear for his surgeries before we get married and were contemplating freezing a few of his eggs in case, heaven forbid, there are problems with my own. However, we are trying to look at sperm donation and the NHS website is only explaining only the IVF side without touching upon whether we would be able to go through this on the NHS or whether we would have to go privately, neither of which we mind but we have been struggling to find somewhere that seems.. well.. safe. There are so many things online about sperm banks and some even ‘do it at home’ kits. But we don’t want to waste what little money we have managed to save let alone end up somewhere that we thought seemed OK but ended up awful. I cannot believe how difficult it is to find somewhere approved by the NHS. Do you have any advice or maybe links to some magical website i may have missed?
my husband and I (he is fully post op) are waiting for sperm donation on the nhs we simply asked my gp I am close to the age limit so have a time limit and have to reduce my bmi but there were few other obstacles – the nhs trust did want to see his gender recognition cert though. don’t know if this is usual or if we were lucky with where we live or the people we have seen.
don’t know if this is helpful but we do live in stealth and the gp’s etc were very discrete so far
Hi Emma
Always really glad to meet partners of FtMs..
There’s two issues here aren’t there?.
1. Whether you can get fertility treatment funded by the NHS.
2. If you can’t get fertility treatment funded by the NHS, how do you find the best place to have treatment.
Answers
1. You might be able to get funded treatment, but I suspect it would be a huge struggle. That’s not to say it’s not a possible, but it would stressful and time consuming. The best person to start with would be your GP, she would be unlikely to know whether or not you could have treatment off the top of your head, but she could probably find out and get back to you.
I am 99% sure that they wouldn’t fund your financees egg banking.
2. If you can’t get NHS funded treatment where could you get safe effective treatment from?
All fertility treatment in the UK is regulated by the Human Fertilization and Embyrology Authority, they regulate private clinics as well as NHS ones. You can even read the clinic inspection reports and success rates online. I think a good place to start when choosing a clinic would be their website. You can also search all clinics in the UK.
http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility-clinics.html
Does that help? Do let me know – I can see if I can find out more information if you’d like..
Iv come out to 2 people
hi
i’m wondering is it possible to use stem cells for penis growth for ftms
hey, i just read a post about how its possible for a ftm take their egg and strip it to make sperm. im a ftm and my girlfriend and i want a child that im the bio father of. i also heard of using cells of my body to make a baby. do you know if thats possible? any info is very helpful.
Brax
Like another poster I also fancy myself some what of an amateur science nerd. I am FTM, have been on T for the better part of a decade. I had top surgery in my early 20′s and recently have begun the 12 stage procedure for phalloplasty, although I have hit a snag because the insurance company after covering the first 2 operations (which has left me with an unsightly flap of skin like a handle on my waist) decided they no longer cover gender surgeries and somehow intend to leave me like this. Unrelated really to all that I have a question regarding your professional opinion on the topic of Protogyny in the animal kingdom and what possible applications research could supply to transgendered humans. It is my understanding that many different species of fish normally change their sex, sometimes back and forth many times in their life span, for example clown fish and wrasses like Ca Sheepshead to name a few. I know tilapia farmers induce protogyny with 17 alpha-methytestosterone to increase their size and their profits. Although fish and humans are similar in that they are vertebrates, fish are not mammals like us, so what can we realistically hope to learn from the transitioning fish that may become a practical application for transitioning humans, if anything in your opinion? Or is it merely that these fish are born in a way that physioogically makes this possible where humans (aside from 5 alpha reductase deficiency) are not and can never aspire to derive any practical treatments from research with the fish’s protogyny?
Also, completely unrelated, what is your take on pumping of the genitalia? If done religiously (and carefully), is it a viable option to permanently increase the size and or girth of our unique genitalia (even marginally), or is it a complete waste of time?
Thank you, Hope you are well
A
Is it possible for a f+m to get their gf pregnant?
Don’t be so fucking stupid. Of course it isn’t.
“So that’s the reason I decided to start a blog – because us normal transsexuals don’t get much exposure in the media, and I wanted to have a discussion about a normal person with a normal-ish job.”
Thank you for doing just that.
I have a not so nice comment about wanting to get pregs. Stop reproducing! There are thousands of children that need to be adopted into wonderful loving homes.